An article in today's paper really makes me ponder modern-day relationships. Long gone are the days where we'd have to wait weeks or months to hear from our loved ones through a telegram or the mail. It is amazing that we can instantly communicate with people across the world with the click of a button on our computer. As much as I love modern-day conveniences, I also think there is a personal aspect that is lost through my daily surfing on Facebook and blogs. I quickly feel out of touch when we travel somewhere for just a few days without Internet access--not to mention being away from home for just a few hours without email access! Yet, what am I really missing? A Facebook status update from someone I haven't seen in 20 years?
While I love staying in touch with friends and their day-to-day lives, my close friends will continue to be close friends whether or not I am on the Internet. While I furiously surf the web and update my Facebook status, I wonder what I might be missing of greater importance. Like investing further in the lives of the people who share the same house as me--the children who are watching cartoons behind me while I'm trying to find friends from high school on the computer. Or, more importantly, spending time with my husband! My son recently asked me "how come you're always on the computer mom?" Whoa, that's a wake-up call! How often do I tune out the people I love the most and instead choose an empty relationship with online people I don't really know?
Does that mean I will no longer blog or jump onto Facebook? NO! It just means that I'm finding some irony in my choices...and the choices of others. How easy it is for us to think we have deep and meaningful relationships with complete strangers or people whom we've never met in person--all through the internet or email. What a easy place for us to hide--we can be whoever we want to be with people we don't really know, people we don't talk to face-to-face. They don't have to see the yuckiness of our own lives. Yet, on the other hand, I see some some people think it is completely okay to spew their personal relationships and private details all over blogs and Facebook--what are they thinking? What happened to privately seeking help professionally or through true friends verses the public forum of 400 facebook "friends?" I am rambling...but here is the article that is really worth reading...
We still must have human contact
Two girls from Australia were recently trapped in a storm drain. They had a cell phone with them that had a connection. The two girls chose to update their Facebook pages to convey their status as being stuck in a storm drain and in need of help. They never used the cell phone with a connection to actually place a call for help.
Ridiculous, but it raises the question about how social media are changing not only the way we communicate, but what we communicate.
The other day, I was on my Facebook page while at work during my usual post-lunch motivational delay. During that time of day, most posts from at-home parents are about the need for nap times and most posts from those at work are also about the need for nap times. But on this day, one of my Facebook friends, a woman I went to high school with (but was not close to then nor now) put up a string of posts just minutes apart outlining that her husband took their baby and left her. The angst of the posts struck me deeply. Watching her self-worth diminish through her string of comments set off my internal alarms. This woman was not in a good place. She needed help, but her other Facebook friends were responding with superficial responses about getting a drink or a better husband. Only one or two responded they would pray for her. But they were all posts. Given the short timing, I did not get the sense that anyone was calling this person.
I was truly concerned for her well-being and safety. I considered all the options. Did I want to call her? That seemed an intrusion, and, regardless, I did not have a phone number. Did I want to post a serious response on her page? That seemed more of an addition to the problem. Finally, I sent her a private e-mail through Facebook stating I was concerned and giving her a list of area counselors who might be able to meet with her on short notice.
After agonizing about this exchange, her next posts within 30 minutes were the following:
* He’s at his parents
* I’m in carpool line and about to run out of gas. Great.
Someone responded they should get their children together for a playdate. Nothing else was said.
A few days later, a post appeared that she and her husband could get through anything together if they stayed a team. By the end of the whole saga, I was not sure what most horrified me—that Facebook was her chosen medium to announce the breakdown of her marriage, the casual and playful responses of her other Facebook friends, or that the whole incident was treated the same as my post that sneezing while your mascara’s wet makes for a bad start to a day.
Would this woman have really walked into a room of 400 friends and acquaintances and made the same proclamations? Would they have responded like they did online if she had? I don’t think so, I think the safety (and distance) of the computer erases emotions and emotional growth.
It’s easier to text someone you know at a social function than speak to someone you don’t. It’s easier to send back a quick and angry em-mail than to call to resolve a conflict. It’s easier to post a critical comment than to engage in actual conversation. In taking these easy ways out, we are losing the ability to learn how to govern ourselves—both in real public and in public forums like the Internet.
The electronic exchanges fail to establish a set of social norms that translate to in-person contact. Were those same exchanges to take place in real time in front of a group of others, the room reaction would dictate future behavior….
We need to ensure that those coming of age in this instant-messaging era still know how to communicate well and in person. The computer screens and cell phones provide a layer of protection when 'speaking' out and lack of regulating feedback.
Ultimately, I believe in her anguish, my Facebook friend was reaching out for comfort in the only way she knew how. How sad, though, that the first thought for a connection was through the Internet. Electronic hugs have not been invented.
Crying on your computer just makes it wet. Human contact is still a necessity and, perhaps, even more so in this electronic age.
--Abigail Lounsbury Morrow The Birmingham News September 27, 2009
While I love staying in touch with friends and their day-to-day lives, my close friends will continue to be close friends whether or not I am on the Internet. While I furiously surf the web and update my Facebook status, I wonder what I might be missing of greater importance. Like investing further in the lives of the people who share the same house as me--the children who are watching cartoons behind me while I'm trying to find friends from high school on the computer. Or, more importantly, spending time with my husband! My son recently asked me "how come you're always on the computer mom?" Whoa, that's a wake-up call! How often do I tune out the people I love the most and instead choose an empty relationship with online people I don't really know?
Does that mean I will no longer blog or jump onto Facebook? NO! It just means that I'm finding some irony in my choices...and the choices of others. How easy it is for us to think we have deep and meaningful relationships with complete strangers or people whom we've never met in person--all through the internet or email. What a easy place for us to hide--we can be whoever we want to be with people we don't really know, people we don't talk to face-to-face. They don't have to see the yuckiness of our own lives. Yet, on the other hand, I see some some people think it is completely okay to spew their personal relationships and private details all over blogs and Facebook--what are they thinking? What happened to privately seeking help professionally or through true friends verses the public forum of 400 facebook "friends?" I am rambling...but here is the article that is really worth reading...
We still must have human contact
Two girls from Australia were recently trapped in a storm drain. They had a cell phone with them that had a connection. The two girls chose to update their Facebook pages to convey their status as being stuck in a storm drain and in need of help. They never used the cell phone with a connection to actually place a call for help.
Ridiculous, but it raises the question about how social media are changing not only the way we communicate, but what we communicate.
The other day, I was on my Facebook page while at work during my usual post-lunch motivational delay. During that time of day, most posts from at-home parents are about the need for nap times and most posts from those at work are also about the need for nap times. But on this day, one of my Facebook friends, a woman I went to high school with (but was not close to then nor now) put up a string of posts just minutes apart outlining that her husband took their baby and left her. The angst of the posts struck me deeply. Watching her self-worth diminish through her string of comments set off my internal alarms. This woman was not in a good place. She needed help, but her other Facebook friends were responding with superficial responses about getting a drink or a better husband. Only one or two responded they would pray for her. But they were all posts. Given the short timing, I did not get the sense that anyone was calling this person.
I was truly concerned for her well-being and safety. I considered all the options. Did I want to call her? That seemed an intrusion, and, regardless, I did not have a phone number. Did I want to post a serious response on her page? That seemed more of an addition to the problem. Finally, I sent her a private e-mail through Facebook stating I was concerned and giving her a list of area counselors who might be able to meet with her on short notice.
After agonizing about this exchange, her next posts within 30 minutes were the following:
* He’s at his parents
* I’m in carpool line and about to run out of gas. Great.
Someone responded they should get their children together for a playdate. Nothing else was said.
A few days later, a post appeared that she and her husband could get through anything together if they stayed a team. By the end of the whole saga, I was not sure what most horrified me—that Facebook was her chosen medium to announce the breakdown of her marriage, the casual and playful responses of her other Facebook friends, or that the whole incident was treated the same as my post that sneezing while your mascara’s wet makes for a bad start to a day.
Would this woman have really walked into a room of 400 friends and acquaintances and made the same proclamations? Would they have responded like they did online if she had? I don’t think so, I think the safety (and distance) of the computer erases emotions and emotional growth.
It’s easier to text someone you know at a social function than speak to someone you don’t. It’s easier to send back a quick and angry em-mail than to call to resolve a conflict. It’s easier to post a critical comment than to engage in actual conversation. In taking these easy ways out, we are losing the ability to learn how to govern ourselves—both in real public and in public forums like the Internet.
The electronic exchanges fail to establish a set of social norms that translate to in-person contact. Were those same exchanges to take place in real time in front of a group of others, the room reaction would dictate future behavior….
We need to ensure that those coming of age in this instant-messaging era still know how to communicate well and in person. The computer screens and cell phones provide a layer of protection when 'speaking' out and lack of regulating feedback.
Ultimately, I believe in her anguish, my Facebook friend was reaching out for comfort in the only way she knew how. How sad, though, that the first thought for a connection was through the Internet. Electronic hugs have not been invented.
Crying on your computer just makes it wet. Human contact is still a necessity and, perhaps, even more so in this electronic age.
--Abigail Lounsbury Morrow The Birmingham News September 27, 2009
1 comments:
good article. i do love the fact that i can keep up with people i'd never talk to or know anything about through FB, but i think it's quite true that face-to-face relationships are a MUST and FB is more for "fun". it's funny how much relationships have changed since i was in college even..i didn't even have an email address in college..we HAD to call each other. things will be different for our kids...good and bad!
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