I've started re-reading one of my favorite books,
Parenting by the Book, by John Rosemond. The book begins with him explaining how our culture has fallen away from the biblical child-rearing of our Grandma's day and slipped into a more humanistic approach. This new approach, he says, shifts from the biblical truth of the total depravity of all humans into the false belief that children are fundamentally "good." This new Postmodern Psychology leads parents to place the child's self-esteem as the most desirable character quality, thereby leaving out personal responsibility for a child's actions.
He says that parents today are more stressed with 2 kids than our grandparents were with 10. I can't help but wonder why this is? I know that having more kids eventually works out to having built-in babysitters with the older kids keeping the youngers, but the beginning stages of having a bunch of little ones would have been extremely difficult. I mean, they probably didn't use any form of birth control, so children would likely be closely spaced...having 7 kids under age 10 would probably be very normal for those days. Not to mention the lack of modern conveniences back then--my great-grandmother used to spend an entire day scrubbing clothes in her wash tub, putting them through the ringer, and then hanging each item on the clothes line to dry. She also grew her own vegetables and cooked all meals from scratch. So, does that seem easier than today? Why would we be more stressed with all our modern conveniences and less children around our feet?
One of the reasons Rosemond gives is that all the psycho-babble makes us confused as parents. We worry that we're warping our children if we tell them "no" or set consequences....or what will happen to our little ones when we, as depraved beings, scream and shout at them!? We wonder what we've done wrong when our children continue to disobey and act like little criminals! I just love Rosemond's common sense and wisdom as he addresses these issues:
"Grandma also knew that she could not be a good enough parent to guarantee that her children would never do anything despicable, disgusting, or depraved--that the power of their choosing was more powerful than the power of her parenting. She knew that to be the case because the Bible told her so."
He notes that the only perfect parent there is or ever will be is God, our Father, yet his first two children, Adam and Eve, failed miserably:
"What, pray tell, did God do wrong that caused his first kids such pronounced obedience issues?...Grandma...knew there was no psychology behind the Fall. It happened because human beings possess what animals do not: freedom of choice, including the freedom to choose wrongly. If a perfect God could not raise children who were perfectly obedient, what chance do you have?...No matter how good a parent you are, your child is still capable on any given day of doing something despicable, disgusting, or depraved.
Did you catch that? No matter how "good" we are as parents, our children will still stray...they will still choose to be little rebels at certain times! I don't know about you, but that is so freeing to me as a parent. Yes, it's also scary because I can't control how my children will behave or who they will become at 30-years old. But, it does free me to realize they need the Lord just as much as I do. Not only that, but He will use the moments of my failure to point us all to Christ. What a picture of God's grace to fail as a parent and then humbly ask our children for forgiveness. Yes, I need to be obedient to the Lord and consistently set limits and discipline my children. But, I also need to trust that the Holy Spirit is at work...in spite of how I "feel" on a certain day or how badly my children behave. He is still alive in us as Moms and we need to rest and trust that He will carry out the good work that He's started in us (Phil 1:6). I will end with one of my favorite verses from 2 Peter 1:3 that says "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." I have to say AMEN to that!
The boys checking out the power rangers in their stockings...waiting patiently for MG to wake up
JC playing his new drum
KK checking out his new guitar
Mads finally gets some bubbles that she can blow herself
MG giving her new baby a kiss
The boys checking out their Batcave
The boys both spent their own money to buy something for MG...they both picked out matching dolls
MG trying on new dress-up shoes
Using her oven mits to wash dishes :)
My favorite gifts--from my boys
