Weariness

I am feeling so emotionally exhausted today....so weary! We met friends at the park this morning. Heading there in the car, I reminded the boys not to run off from our group (there are 2 parks side by side, but hard to keep up with children in 2 separate places so I always ask them to stay wherever their friends are). Within 10 minutes, the 2 year old runs off from the group to the other park. I try to entice him back to his friends, but how do you reason with a 2 year old who just wants to play at the park? So, my 3 kids and I hang out at the other park. The one year old becomes discontent in her stroller and wants to do what her big brothers are doing. However, it's kind of hard to do much of anything when you're a 13 month old doing the crab-crawl at the park...and did I mention she has a fit every time I pick her up off the sidewalk? Not sure what that is all about, but the little dear drags her left knee as she scoots with her right foot all the way down the sidewalk. JC decides it's lunchtime and he can't be distracted from his screaming fit for his lunch. So, I head up the hill to gather the lunch bags at the other park. MG pitches a fit in my arms as her hopes and dreams of scraping her little body on concrete are once again dashed! We go from JC's fit over hunger to his fit over the fact that there are no pretzels in his lunch bag. He also has some type of fear of the wind blowing during picnics...blowing his lunch bag, napkins, etc. JC begins to scream because the wind is blowing his little taped down place mat (yes, I thought the tape might help the wind problem!) Nothing seems to go as planned as JK now realizes all of the crackers have been eaten and he starts crying. My eyes roam to the large field nearby and I am tempted to take off screaming with my hands over my head...I figure that I could probably run all the way home with all the adrenaline pumping through my body!

I can't even explain the car ride home or how difficult it was trying to get everyone to the car when it was time to leave. The boys were fighting over who got to push the stroller to the car...all the way, JK getting his shoelaces tangled in the stroller wheels and nearly falling several times. When we make it to the car, JC climbs into the very back where the strollers are kept--repeatedly hitting the door lock button over and over again. I also notice the smell of his dirty diaper. I finally get them in their seats and the boys argue all the way home about whose holding a certain toy, etc. JC can reach JK and starts hitting him. Whining and crying ensue. Thankfully, it is a short drive home.

I get the 2 little ones to bed as soon as we get home and JK decides to try to get our puppy's toys off the fireplace mantle to play. He knows not to reach up onto the mantle or stand on the hearth; however, he reaches up and pulls on the mantle--nearly knocking the entire mantle onto his head. Did I mention that the mantle is an extremely heavy piece of cedar and I have a concrete angel resting on it, along with a large mirror and several other heavy items? When he grabs the mantle, it tips enough to knock several things off onto the floor- 3 large metal candle holders, a picture frame, and a ceramic coaster. The coaster cracked into two pieces. I totally lost my mind not just because of my crazy morning and his disobedience, but the fact that someone could have been seriously hurt or killed! I shudder to think if the entire thing had fallen off onto the floor on top of any of the kids. After I discipline him and have a long talk, he gets to put on his pjs and go straight to bed (another privilege lost since he likes to play or color during the other 2 kids' naptime).

With all 3 kids in bed, I immediately run upstairs for a cup of hot tea and time with the Lord. I grab our new puppy to snuggle in my lap. Days like today send me running frantically into the arms of my Heavenly Father. Yet, it's so easy for me to forget His love and care for me when I'm in the midst of life--chaotic, messy, maddening life! I just want to run when my kids expose their sin and my own, especially out in the open where everyone else can see it. I so often feel like burying my head in the covers and crying myself to sleep over some of the challenges of my days. Although evil would like to convince me that I'm all alone in my struggles, I know that I am not. The Lord, of course, is always with me and shows up in some big and wonderful ways to nudge me on to keep up the fight. He has also put other precious moms in my life that are honest about their struggles as well. I am so encouraged to know there are other women fighting the same fight and also that God does not run from me in my weakness, sin, and utter confusion.

I constantly find myself praying for wisdom with my children. I honestly don't know how to handle them a lot of the time. I find myself becoming like them--whining, fussing, yelling for attention...doing all the things that I'm asking them not to do. Praise God there is hope for change, for renewal, for another day. I pray for Him to protect my little ones as we wade through the struggles of this life. It's hard for me to comprehend that He has ordained this day for my good, but I can rest knowing He is in control. Today is one of my crazy days when I ran to the Lord in desperation. There are so many crazy days that I run from Him in anger, hurt, or confusion. I pray He'd give me the heart to always run to Him-on the bad days as well as the good days and that I'd have open hands to receive whatever He gives.



He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. Isa 40:29-31

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint. Jer 31:25

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Mat 11:28